Scientific Jokes

 Hello World

Why to make science always serious ? Lets add some fun in it by cracking jokes. 

Geology

1. What did one tectonic plate say when he bumped into the other? 
• Sorry ! My fault
2. What kind of tree can be placed into your hand?
• Palm Tree
3. What do rich clouds do? 
• They make it rain
4. What did the volcano say to his beautiful wife?
• I lava you
5. What do you call a FISH with no eyes?
• A FSH
6. How can you know a tree is a dogwood tree?
• By its bark
7. What kind of hair does the ocean have?
• A wavy hair
8. What is a tornado’s favorite classic game to play?
• Tongue Twister
9. What does Earth say to make fun of the other planets?
• You guys have no life
10. How do trees surf on internet?
• They log in 
11. What did the tree wear to his friend’s pool party?
• Swimming trunks
12. What kinds of books do planets usually like to read?
• Comet books 
13. How would you be able to cut the sea in half?
• With a see-saw
14. Vampires prefer warmer climates to avoid frostbite.
15. Fog is more likeable than a cloud because it’s just so down to earth.
16. Why shouldn't you make fun of a paleontologist?
•  Because you will get Jurasskicked.

Biology

1. What did the biologist wear to impress his date?
• Designer Genes
2. What did stamen say to pistil ?
• I like your style
3. What type of fish is made of 2 sodium atoms ?
• Tune (2Na)
4. What do you call an accountant for biology department?
• A buy-ologist
5. What is the quickest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
• Pull down its genes
6. What should you call a pig who knows karate?
• A porkchop
7. What do you call it when a biologist takes a photo of himself?
• A cell-fie
8. What do you call a fly that lands on the butter?
• A butterfly
9. What did one cell tell his sister cell when she stepped on his toe?
• Ouch! That’s mitosis
10. What does blood say when it’s trying to be optimistic?
• B-positive
11. How much room does fungi need in order to grow?
• As mushroom as possible
12. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”
13. A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, “Excuse me, is this stool taken?”
14. They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
15. Why don’t plants buy candy? They make their own sugar.
16. Plants prefer a light snack to a full meal.
17. A worm who eats dead musicians is called a decomposer.
18. What’s the difference between a microbe and an in-law? None, they both get under your skin.
19. The white blood cells and antibodies kicked the disease out of the party.
20. Disease: Well fine, you weren’t a very good host anyway.
21. There’s a rumor in the air about a new germ, but don’t spread it around.
22. A vampire gets their power from the bite-o-chondria of the cell.
23. A marine biologist finally found their porpoise in life.
24. “Stop copying me!” Said the DNA to the cell.

Mathematics

1. Three statisticians go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high; the second one, about a meter too low; the third one yells, “We got it!”
2. Q: What did the 30 degree angle say to the 90 degree angle?
   A: "You think you're always right!"
3. I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday. I think he must be plotting something.
4. What did the triangle say to the circle? “You’re pointless.”
5. How does a mathematician plow fields? With a pro-tractor.
6. What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree? Geometry.
7. Parallel lines have so much in common … It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
8. What do you call more than one L? A parallel!
9. Did you hear about the over-educated circle? It has 360°!
10. What shape is usually waiting for you inside a Starbucks? A line.
11. Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles? Because there’s no point.
12. Why was the obtuse triangle always upset? Because it’s never right.
13. Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven? The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”.
14. Why was math class so long? The teacher kept going off on a tangent.
15. Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor? The teacher told him not to use tables.
16. How do you solve any equation? Multiply both sides by zero.
17. Which tables do you not have to learn? Dinner tables!
18. Surgeon: Nurse, I have so many patients. Who do I work on first? Nurse: Simple, follow the order of operations.
19. I met a math teacher who had 12 children. She really knows how to multiply!
20. Why was the student confused when he went from English class to math class? Because he was taught that a double negative in English is bad, but in math, it’s a positive.
21. What tool is best suited for math? Multi-pliers.
22. Why did the girl wear glasses during math class? It improved di-vision.
23. A father noticed his son was sad coming home from school one day. “What’s wrong?” The father asked. “I really don’t like long division,” the son answered, “I always feel bad for the remainders.”
24. What’s a swimmer's favorite kind of math? Dive-ision!
25. Do you know what seems odd to me? Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.
26. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven, eight, nine!
27. A talking sheepdog rounds up all the sheep into the pen for his farmer. He comes back and says, “Okay, Chief — all 40 sheep accounted for”. The farmer says, “But I’ve counted them and I’ve only got 36!” The sheepdog replies, “I know, but I rounded them up.”
28. I hired an odd man to do eight jobs for me. When I got back, he’d only done jobs one, three, five, and seven.
29. What are ten things you can always count on? Your fingers.
30. What did the spelling book say to the math book? “I know I can count on you!”
31. Why did the two fours skip lunch? They already eight!
32. How do you make seven an even number? Remove the S.
33. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator… But only a fraction would understand.
34. How are a dollar and the moon similar? They both have four quarters!
35. How do we know the fractions, x/c, y/c, and z/c, are all in Europe? They’re all over c’s!
36. Why is statistics never anyone’s favorite subject? It’s just average.
37. Why did Pi get its driver’s license revoked? Because it didn’t know when to stop.
38. You should never start a conversation with Pi. It’ll just go on and on forever.
39. Mathematician: πr2(Pi r squared). Baker: No! Pies are round and cakes are square!
40. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur’s table? Sir Cumference. How did he get so round? He ate too many π’s.
41. What’s the official animal of Pi day? The Pi-thon!
42. What do you call two friends who love math? Algebros.
43. I poured root beer into a square cup. Now I have beer.
44. Do you know why seven eight nine? Because you’re supposed to eat three squared meals a day!
45. Why did the boy refuse to drink the water with eight ice cubes in it? Because it’s too cubed!
46. Why do atheists have trouble with exponents? They don’t believe in higher powers!
47. Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots
48. Why does algebra make you a better dancer? Because you can use the algo-rhythm!
49. Why was the math book so sad? Because it had so many problems.
50. What is a bird’s favorite type of math? Owl-gebra.
51. Who’s the king of the pencil case? The ruler.
52. A student asked their teacher if they would have any problems on the upcoming test. The teacher replied, “I think you’ll have lots of problems on the test.”
53. I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch. He could binomials.
54. What did one algebra book say to the other? “Don’t bother me, I’ve got my own problems.”
55. When you keep missing math class it starts to really add up.
56. What’s a math teacher’s favorite season? SUMmer!
57. Why is math considered to be codependent? It relies on others to solve its problems.
58. What do you call a number that can’t sit still? A roamin’ numeral!
59. What did the student say about the equation she couldn’t solve? “This is derive-ing me crazy!”
60. Why everyone hates 288 ? Because its "two" gross

Chemistry

1. Why are chemists excellent for solving problems?
• Because they have all the solutions
2. Why is it bad to trust atoms?
• Because they make up everything
3. What type of dogs do chemists own?
• Laboratory Retrievers
4. A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, 
• “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?” 
• "You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist"
•  “That’s it! I can never remember that word.”
5. I was reading a book on helium. I couldn’t put it down.
6. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
7. Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together??
• OMg !
8. What do you do with a sick chemist?
• If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
9. The yeast kept bullying the dough. It got a rise out of him.
10. It’s hard to date a carb when they are so complex.
11. I wanted to make a gas joke but all the good ones Argon.
12. What do you call a 2000 pound chemistry professor who’s always smiling? A pro-ton
13.  Would you like to be my lab partner? I can tell there will be a lot of chemistry between us.
14. A neutron opened a bar and it quickly went bankrupt because he didn’t charge.
15. I just told a joke to two noble gases, but I didn’t get much of a reaction.
16. An ice cube was having an identity crisis. When his friend asked what was the matter, he started to cry harder.
17. What’s Superman’s favorite element? Krypton.
18. An enzyme and a substrate are best friends because they fit together so well.
19. The nucleus split itself loudly and his friends knew he was just fission for drama.
20. Studying chemistry can be so Boron.
21. At the party, Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen dressed too formyl for the o-cation.
22. The entire lab smelled like rotten eggs. Everyone was sulfering.
23. Santa fell through a chimney filled with balloons. They must have been filled with helium. Now all he is says is “He, He, He!”

24. Two pirates with bronze gold teeth greeted each other. “Alloy there matey”

25. Inventor: What could we make cans out of? Inventor 2: I don’t know but we will think of some tin.

26. The steel’s background check had a stainless record.

27. What do you call a professional adolescent bodybuilder? A pro-teen

28. What do you call a professional adolescent bodybuilder who dances? A pro-teen shake

29. A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

30. Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.
    Molecule 2: Are you sure?
    Molecule 1: I’m positive.

31. Q: Why are atoms Catholic?
    A: Because they have mass.

32. Do you want to know how often I say element jokes? Periodically.

Astronomy

1. How do you know that Saturn has been married multiple times?
• Because it has lots of rings
2. What kind of music do planets dance to?
• Nep-tunes
3. How do astronauts organize a successful surprise party?
• They planet
4. Why did Mickey Mouse decided to go to space?
• To see Pluto
5.  Meteorology jokes aren’t funny because they are so predictable.
6. Earth, pre-accurate astronomy in the 1500’s: I’m the center of the universe!
   Sun: I have bad news for you.
   Galaxy: Same
7. The moon was really mad at the earth, but it was only a phase.

Physics

1. Which type of books are the hardest to get through?
• Friction books
2. What was the first Electricity Detective’s name?
• Sherlock Ohms.
3. What did the thermometer tell the graduated cylinder?
• You may have graduated, but I have more degrees.
4. A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He, too, never returned.The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, “The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water.”
5. The Photon didn’t need a suitcase for the train; he was traveling light.
6. Simple machines always get dessert, they know how to say pulleys.
7. What do you call scientists who love to study gas laws by drinking soda? Fizz-icists
8. The rocket scientist became a skilled archer. Really, he was just testing arrow dynamics.
9. A physicist is watching a man who believes he can fly. Every time he goes up the steep hill, he jumps off and hurts himself. The physicist watches this for 7 days. On the 8th day he goes to the man and says, “I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation”
10. What’s a physicist’s favorite snack? Fig Newtons
11. The two physics teachers aren’t speaking. Guess there’s a lot of friction between them.
12. The facts about electricity might shock you.
13. Circuit engineers like to keep their news current.
14. I would tell a parachute joke but you wouldn’t catch my drift.
15. What do you call someone who steals energy from the museum? A Joule thief!
16. The tiniest fairy that can fix cars is called a quantum mechanic
17. A ramp is inclined to agree on most matters.. 
18. Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, of course, but Newton replies, "Nope. One Newton on one square meter is equal to one Pascal."

Music

1. What did one ion say to another?
• I’ve got my ion you.
2. The band of electronics did not know how to conduct itself.